Since people ask me what I’m looking for in a man, I’ve decided to compile a list so that potential applicants know what requirements they need to meet should they apply. If you do not meet all of the following requirements, your application will quickly land in the world wide web’s circular file:
- Is a nudist.
- Likes country music (bonus points for knowing all the words to either Through the Years or Red Solo Cup.)
- Sees Mister Rogers as a hero, just as I do.
- Can agree to disagree without hard feelings or temper tantrums.
- Eats normal healthy food. That is, I can identify everything they eat.
- No illegal drugs or alcoholism.
- Spending an afternoon with a bucket of bubble solution and a bubble wand equals utopia.
- Shows respect for my family- they’re the only family Ive got and they’re a little quirky.
- Reads and is well-read.
- Must love dogs. Especially a cute little cockapoo named Little Bare.
- When describing his age, includes half years as needed (ie. 38 and a half.)
- With the age thing, he’s not so old that he could be my grandfather nor is he so young he could be my grandson (I’m 37 for those who don’t know my age. My birthday was on July 18. If you sent me a gift, card, or kind message, that would have given you bonus points!)
- Enjoys tree climbing.
- When asked if the glass is half empty or half full, quickly loses sight of the question and wonders what in the world people are thinking to entrust him with glass rather than plastic.
- No prison record that would exempt him from being a good guy.
- Has respect for one of the greatest inventions ever: the Slip n’ Slide.
- Sees every day as a holiday to be celebrated.
So there ya go- my list! Not quite a bucket list or a Christmas List, I suppose. Actually, in thinking about it, it’s kind of a mix of the two. Now to create the application for anyone choosing to apply…